Good Bye

I have decided that this will be my last blog.
Turns out, I'm done! I don't need this form of therapy anymore, atleast, don't want it. Over the past couple of months, I was wide open and as great as that felt at the time, it had no long term effects. I will most likely continue to write, but not in Blog form. Its unfortunate, I know and don't think its because word got out to everyone. Its just that I'm done sharing, I've noticed things that have made me feel like this isn't for me.
Thanks for the good stuff!
Love Joanne

The Longer Juicier version!

The Stampede Corral was jumping by 9:00pm!! The crowd consisted of regulars, cougars, group of guys from high school, and some randoms. I was with 'what the f*ck KR, MR and DW. LC was also there with Fiancee and group of buddies. KR doesn't grace us with her presence as much as she used to, but whenever we get together.....guaranteed its a drunken good time! I have yet to talk to her so here's my recollection of the night.
We arrived at 8:15pm, lined up but not for long! We got a table down by the dance floor, drank steady for about an hour or so. Then the band started and within a couple of songs we were up! I don't remember leaving the dance floor all night! I only went out for 2 cigarettes! A roofless patio in the pouring rain is just not my idea of a decent cigarette, drunk or not! I spent like 2 hours on my hair! With that in mind, I did bring my sisters pashmina thinking I could wear that like a Mary Magdalen, but after someone called me that- it was just weird.
All I know is I was all messed up because the digital read out clock over the DJ booth was an hour fast! So I didn't even know what year it was! And the last thing I remember about the real midnight was.... 8. I remember the announcement, then 10, 9, 8 and then I think they counted right down and played ole lang signe??? That makes sense?! Then there was just a whole lot of kissing! KR said I told one guy I didn't want to kiss him, while welcoming others. Good to know I still have standards, when I'm trashed!! I think I made some phone calls and answered some as well, but it was so loud and I was just so drunk.
It was the pashmina that got me into the real trouble! I decided it made a wonderful lasso and roped in many a dance partner that way. It was the one's with their own dance partners, I probably should have stayed away from. KR said, I was very lucky I didn't get my *ssed kicked! There was one guy from high school that I had a huge crush on and though he was seemingly there with his girlfriend, I made no exception. From my recollection, he was taunting me, just asking for it!
I remember dancing with one guy, LC brought over to dance with us from her crew. He was OK so we danced, made out, then I lost him-or did I ditch him?? I'm not sure but all I know is KR and MR said he looked like this guy I dated in the summer, so.....I may have ran away? He was also full of stories which included, him having lung cancer in October, bouncing at The Stampede, having 5 jobs or something and having a love child! Yeah, I think I ran away! Even in my drunken state I knew this guy was too much.
Anyway, getting to the fight- that was LC and her crew! They were out in the smoking area now turned- small man made lake and people were splashing, all hell broke loose and the next thing she said, bouncers were throwing people out left right and center but they were fighting back. Apparently big parking lot fight between her crew and the bouncers! LC is a security guard herself, so she felt the need to show her strength too. It was pretty much the end of the night so it wasn't a huge deal.
And that was the start of my 2007. It was a little messy but hey, a single gals gotta do, what a single gals gotta do. I'm glad I had KR! She's such a bad influence!!LOL!!
There may be more to the night, but if there is.......I don't remember!

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2007!!!!
Hope all was rightly celebrated last night.
The Stampede Corral proved to be all that
was anticipated!! Dances were had,
drinks were spilled, strangers were kissed,
and fights broke out. The only thing we missed
was pizza! But we had to beat the crowd to the cabs.
Here's hoping 2007 holds more than we could ask for!!!!!!!!

Almost 2007!!!

Sigh...........
That was quite the ride! Christmas came and Christmas is going, going, almost gone! It was like one minute I was at the mall trying to remember everything and anything I may have forgotten, then WHAM! Here I am Friday December 29. This is my first time to just sit on the computer! Working Christmas is one thing, trying to do everything else you'd normally do for Christmas on top of that, now that's where it gets tough!
In retrospect, this may have been one of the best Christmas' ever! I got to do it all! Spent time with my family, did gifts Christmas eve. Then woke up Christmas morning, got ready for work and headed off. It was a foggy morning, but there was nothing to see, the roads were completely clear, it was a little freaky but I mostly felt astonished to look right down Fairway Road, look left down Fairway Road and NOTHING! At 7:45am Christmas morning all was quiet and everyone was where they were supposed to be. I soon was right where I was supposed to be, it all started in the house I was scheduled in. My biggest fear was that it was going to feel like a regular old day, but I quickly realized that it just couldn't be a regular old day. We had three clients, out of four- G had gone home for the week. T was going home at noon for the evening and K's family was coming in to do gifts. We had a beautiful morning! Then the call came from next door! Everyone was finally awake, dressed and ready to open presents! The wonderful nurses I was working with told me to go! I had two hours! When one of the nurses had to take T home. So I ran next door, everyone was all lined up around the Christmas tree. My arrival made it 1:1 for present opening. I, of course helped M. He had the most to open, I don't think they really noticed though. He loved everything! He wanted me to help him, but he didn't want me to just do it for him! He was especially excited about his Hot wheels and his stuffed snake. He was thrilled by the big ones and even when it was clothes he still loved it all! So far, he's mastered many of his learning toys. We took out the Leap Pad yesterday, I'm sure he'll have that mastered in a few days as well.
New Year's is this weekend. I'm actually off and no one is really getting together to party. I'm really disappointed, it would have been really great! Instead, I some how am going to The Stampede with a couple. Everyone else decided to go to Molly Blooms. If I had the money, KR and I would so be taking off to NYC!!!!!!!!!! Screw it all! Lets get crazy!
Thought/Quote of the day....... 2 more days left in the year, is anyone else having trouble saying/writing 2007???

My Angel is getting BETTER!!!!!

Just wanted to let you know he's making a miraculous recovery! I saw him tonight, he's almost back to his regular self. I was at a different house, when I got off at 8pm, I popped in to see him. I had heard from the nurse already, that he was doing much better, but went to see for myself. He was off the oxygen and back on regular feeds. Stupid me, I walked in with a Zehrs bag(my lunch) and right away he got excited because he thought I had a present for him. As I have brought in bags with presents so many times before. When I showed him it was just an empty water bottle, bottle of diet coke and an empty Christmas container, he looked confused. But then he decided he wanted to play with the container, he wore it as a hat, then made me do the same. He laughed so hard, deep belly laughs, that made him cough but it is good for him to get it out. We played for a while with his magnetic toys he had laying around. Then I pointed to the clock and the dark night outside and told him I needed to go home to bed. He made a mad face and scrunched his eyebrows. So I put my head down on his chest, closed my eyes and pretended to snore. Again, he tried not to laugh because he was supposed to be mad, but he couldn't hold in those deep belly laughs. He tried to rip my coat off, and make me stay awhile, but I told him it was bedtime. He wasn't impressed and wouldn't give me a kiss goodbye. So I kissed him on each cheek a million times really fast, until he laughed again. But still refused to give me a kiss. So I made a sad face and waved goodbye. Then in the door, I looked back one more time and he raised his hand to his mouth and blew me a kiss. I blew him one back with a big smile. It was cool because usually when he tries to do that his hand has a hard time reaching his mouth; this time it looked like he did it with no effort.
He didn't have that sick look in his eyes, a couple days ago he couldn't even smile. This is the fastest recovery I've ever seen him have. Must have been all of the prayers and well wishes.
Being at the group home for Christmas is looking better than it ever has.
Thought/Quote of the day................
To love for the sake of being loved is human,
But to love for the sake of loving is angelic.
-Alphonse De Lamartine

My Angel

Christmas is quickly approaching and all I can think about is my boy. (can't use names-confidentiality). Starts with M ends with L. You know who. Anyway, I'm afraid he's going to spend Christmas in the hospital. His tonsils are inflamed, enlarged and pussy. His temperature has been up to 41 C. He started antibiotics yesterday and has been on Tempra, since the weekend. But with all of the vomiting, I'm not sure how well its working. I worked with him yesterday, and he got lots and lots of cuddles but tonight I was in a different house. I stopped in for a few minutes to see how he was doing, he just asked for his basket of books. When I left at midnight, I popped my head in and he was sleeping. But the nurse told me that his oxygen level hadn't been stable and it sounded like she was a little worried.
Unfortunately, his parents will not agree to have his tonisls removed. Even though they have nothing to do with him, they make all of his medical decisions. We're the ones that heard his first words, experienced him lose his first baby tooth, kiss him goodnight, comfort him when he's sick, get puked on, read him his bedtime stories and tuck him into bed every night. We're the ones who love him, yet we have no say. His mother dumped him on our doorstep and she'll be relieved if he doesn't live to see his 6th birthday, he's just a burrden. They're the ones that made him DNR and we're the ones that would have to watch him die, if God forbid he ever needed CPR.
The system SUCKS! And I feel like a small, tiny voice inside a large, loud room of authority. What can I do? All the old nurses have seen it a thousand times and just accept it. I can't accept it, not just because he's my boy. But his parents don't know him! They don't see what we see, they're not around. He's a real little boy inside a body that doesn't cooperate with him. I know I'm too close to him, everyone knows that; but it doesn't mean I'm not thinking rationally. Is it crazy to care? Is it crazy to see him as a little boy? Not just a client?
Thought/Quote of the day...........
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life-The Fray

A day in the life of me

Woke up to empty living room! New couch, coming tomorrow!!!
Found out plans are all a go, for Saturday- Christmas get together with friends at my house!
Went to work, practically on empty-no time to stop! Oh yeah, gotta get oil changed and 2 new tires!
Met Michelle's (friend at work) Fiancee and her little Pomeranian/Yorkie named Casey! Thee cutiest dog ever!!! I want one!!!
Day shift made brownies! Yummy!
Supervisor, accidently flushed cell phone down the toilet! Toilet didn't ring and it worked all night.
Hooked up some tube feeds.
Ate supper and went out for a smoke.
Gave one client a shower, gave a little one a cuddle, played with another on the computer.
One staff took other client to the mall for new PJ's.
Put everyone to bed.
Did some laundry and dishes (days made a lot of dishes!!)
Wrapped some presents, balanced petty cash.
Did call-in to fill day shift, called every registered staff! Went into over time.
Tidied up, emptied garbages, did one more round of the kids in bed. Did my charting.
Actually had time to watch t.v at work and Grey's Anatomy wasn't even on and E.R was a repeat!!!! Piece of crap!
Still didn't get gas! Oh Man!
Planned to go shopping with Marta tomorrow! Not Toronto this time.
Going out for breakfast with Mom and Dad tomorrow morning.
Checked emails, everyone else is in bed.
Smoking, enjoying a Diet Coke.
Song in my head all day! How to Save a Life-The Frey
Thought/Quote: Funding for 3 staff for 4 clients at my work and we wait 12 hours in an E.R for Emergency medicine??!!!!